Monthly Archives: May 2011

Checkmate, Game Over

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About a month ago, on a Saturday night I went to my favorite bar with two friends of mine. The place was packed (surprise surprise), dancing space = limited, places to sit and chat….yea right. So we ended up heading to the upper level where the music was still loud, the drinks were still flowing and where we managed to find a little spot to call our own. We settled ourselves on an indoor balcony that over looked the sea of people below. We, ladies and gents, had ourselves an aerial view of what we would soon witness to be the understanding of ‘The Game’.

Exhibit A: There are two buddies at the bar with drinks in hand watching the people around them. You can tell they’re seeing which pretty ladies they can talk too. Now scanning several feet away from the bar and close to the stage where the live band is playing, we spot two pretty girls enjoying their night. They’re sipping their drinks, singing along to the music and they’ve been spotted. The two guys from the bar are approaching. The guys attempt introductions and small talk but the girls don’t seem too interested. They make their glances at the guys brief and end up paying more attention to the music. After a few more attempts, the guys move on. We keep our eyes on the two groups and later on in the night, the guys come back. One of the guys ends up buying one of the girls a drink but she still ignores him afterwards. The other guy and girl seem to have more of a connection. These two talk for a bit while the other girl leaves the other guy in the cold. At the end, the guys end up leaving and the girls turn to each other with puzzling looks of, ‘What was that? They’re just going to leave??’.

Well, if you wanted them to stay then why weren’t you more interested?!

Here’s what I don’t quite understand, us women, we know what we want these days and we know how to get it but when it comes to men or relationships, why do we play coy about what we want or play games? Well guess what ladies, checkmate. King’s dead and the Queen is standing alone.  Oh boo hoo, game over. Time to cut the crap, ladies! No more ‘playing hard to get’. I mean, whoever came up with that term must have been seriously bored. The whole ‘Game’ aspect of relationships, it’s exhausting! Have you ever played Monopoly in its entirety? It’s tiring as hell and it’s just a board game!

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Hello, my name is Homewrecker. And you are?

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Five years ago I met a dude at a party. He was just a regular guy and we held a pretty decent conversation but in the end it was nothing special, so when I went home, I did so with no butterflies fluttering in my stomach or tingles jingling in my loins. I got on with my life as usual: working my days away to save money for my stint abroad.

A couple weeks later he tracked me down on MySpace (remember MySpace?) and messaged me. We had a short-lived conversation, which consisted of him requesting repeatedly when we could hang out, with some flattery and compliments tossed in for good measure while I repeatedly replied that there was no way that we could hang out since there was AN ENTIRE OCEAN separating us and I was too busy getting my mack on with supersexy Irish guys. After a while I stopped responding and that was the end to our “relationship.”

I met a friend at a pub a couple weeks ago and told him the story and it turns out:

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What farts say about love

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A recent post from a girl I’m friends with on Facebook reads: “My honey is afraid to fart in front of me lol.”

I thought to myself, Oh, new relationships. This particular couple has been together for less than a month now, so I thought it was just one of those new relationship nuances that she decided to not so tactfully make public. 

BUT WAIT.

On the second week of their relationship they signed a lease and moved in together. So I ask this: are you ready to live with a man who doesn’t know you well enough to let out a little gas? Guys fart all the time. Just last night I met a friend-of-a-friend for the first time, and that sucker was letting ’em rip all over a pub in central London. That, however, is not exactly desirable behavior. 

But, you know, they’ll have at least one year under a lease to get to know the other’s natural bodily functions. Right? Wrong.

IT GETS BETTER.

On the third week of their new relationship, they got engaged. I don’t believe in the bullshit of love at first sight, so perhaps I’m too cynical about this. Maybe there is a chance for our non-tooting couple. 

So my question to all of you is this: would you want to marry a guy who doesn’t know/trust you well enough to let one rip?

Personally, I’d need to experience at least two farts before signing a lease. Just kidding. What’s the rush, kids? My main point here is that I don’t have much faith in these rash decisions people make in falling hard and fast into love. It just happened to fit quite well into the farts scenario.

Let’s be not very ladylike!

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Let’s face it- us women have a rough life. It’s not all sunshine and rainbows, high heels and Coach purses. It’s not like we wake up with perfectly styled hair and nails, dramatic eyelashes and perfect posture. I know that I’m tired of shouldering the ‘ladylike’ stereotype us gals struggle with everyday, so I’m saying to hell with it. Let’s be unladylike! It’s about time. After all, who says we have to be?  Let’s be who we are, say what we want to say and be free! After all, ‘ladies is pimps too!’