The Back Door

Let me preface this with a warning, mostly for my older sister, who may or may not read this: you may not want to read this.

I’ve read a couple of blogs about The Big A and I feel it’s important to point out that Tarzan and I have an amazing relationship, we never pressure one another into doing something that we are hesitant to do and are sickeningly in love with each other. And that we have a lot of sex. Indoors, outdoors, in cars, hotel rooms, wherever. What can I say, a girl has needs!

With that said, I can honestly say that we have dabbled in the fine art of anal sex.  This is not something we do a lot, mostly because when we get it on, we have to do it covert-op style (we both live with our parents because we are too poor to afford an apartment, damn you college loans.) and when it comes to the back door, having room to work is preferable.

The first time we did it, I was on the rag, as it were and Tarzan still managed to turn me on incredibly- he is a man gifted with many magical talents.  Suffice to say, I’d always been curious about it and had never been comfortable enough to try it before, I had just showered before he came over and hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast. So I thought, what the hell, bring it on. I won’t go in to all the sordid details, because writing a porn isn’t the purpose of Notveryladylike or this post.

I know a lot of girls who have also experimented in anal and they love it. It brought them a whole new world of sensations and not to mention stronger orgasms. And then many girls do not like it because it hurts, is unnatural, taboo, whatever. To each her own.

Personally, I think EVERYONE should try it. Once, twice, twelve times. You know that feeling you get when you have sex, where you feel completely filled up? Honey, that ain’t nothing. Once he’s in there, every sense you have goes on heightened alert and you’ll feel things like you’ve never felt them before.

Now, for the obvious questions and reservations I’ve heard from many girls I’ve discussed this with.

Why would he want to put it in my butt if I have a perfectly good vagina? What if it hurts? What kind of lube? WHAT ABOUT POOP? What if it smells? What if I fart? Should I use an enema? What is an enema? If he wants to put it in my butt, then I should be able to put it in his! What if I bleed? What if I get an infection? What if he gets an infection? Can we have regular sex after? It’s exit-only, EXIT-ONLY.  The list goes on.

And I say: Personally I feel vaginal sex and anal sex are two different ball games. They’re each different and awesome in their own ways. If it hurts, take a break, lube up, and relax. Preferably water-based lube if he’s wearing a condom. If he’s not wearing a condom, then warming lube, it’s easier to relax. Everybody poops. I poop. You poop. Your man poops. If you’re super-concerned, use an enema (never tried this, but according to all the porn I watch, it does the trick.) More often than not, it’s not going to smell like roses, but that’s the name of the game. Everybody farts. I fart, you fart, your man farts. He’s pushing and pulling air out of you, it’s bound to happen sometime. Also, he knows what he’s getting himself into.  If you need a bargaining chip, like if you put it in mine then I can put it in yours, then you shouldn’t be doing this- everything should be done willingly, not through coercion.   You may bleed, so take it slow! Wear a condom to prevent infections for both partners. And most likely, if things are going well, you won’t even to get to vaginal sex because you’ll both be sweating, satisfied and exhausted and wont be able to get it on at least for the couple minutes it takes to recuperate.

Do you remember that Sex and the City episode where the guy Charlotte is seeing wants to try anal and she asks the girls for advice? Samantha tells her not to knock it before she tries it. She decides to stick to vajayjay sex and the guy is cool with it.  That’s the way it should be.

I guess the point to this article is this:

Ladies: If you want to try it but you have reservations and want advice, ask around. When I started to get curious about it, three out of the four girlfriends I asked had experience and lots of advice to share. If you want to try it, try it. If you don’t want to, stick to your guns, hold your ground and tell your man that you have a perfectly good vagina and if he doesn’t like it then so long, au revoir, auf wiedersehen.