Tag Archives: The Game

You Can Have a Weiner and Still be a Pussy

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In light of this current Anthony WEINER scandal, I have come to a conclusion. Only cowards cheat. I am a firm believer in fidelity. If you’re dating somebody, you should stay true to that somebody. If YOU’RE MARRIED AND YOUR WIFE IS PREGNANT, KEEP YOUR GODDAMN JUNK IN YOUR PANTS.

Now, I know not everyone’s perfect. And I know that not every relationship is meant to last forever.  If you’re seeing Person A and all of sudden Person B comes around and you’re tempted to cheat, then sit back and take a look at your relationship. CLEARLY, something is missing.  If you want to pursue a relationship with Person B, then end things with Person A. It’s not fair to A, who trusts you to be faithful. It’s not fair to B, who likely doesn’t know about A and if he or she does know about A, is cool with being a Homewrecker, then that says a lot about that person’s character i.e. scumbagaroo.

We’ve all been tempted, one summer, when I was dating Pinocchio (refer to Guilty as Charged) I met a man. And he was bangin.  He was a carpenter who was residing my neighbor’s house, and everyday he’d be outside, twenty feet from my bedroom, with no shirt, six-pack abs and a buzz saw, working the hot August days away.  And every time I saw him, the little devil on my shoulder screamed, Come to Mama.  But alas, I had a boyfriend- granted I hadn’t seen or heard from Pinocchio in weeks (refer to He’s Just Not that Into You) but I couldn’t conscionably get my mack on knowing that I wasn’t single.

I know that not everyone thinks this way. I have friends who cheat on their significant others. They don’t qualify kissing another man or fondling the party in his pants cheating, because they didn’t sleep with him. Or they think because their relationship is going downhill and the boyfriend is being a pussy that gives her a carte blanche to bang someone else. Or text them pictures of your goods or sext them suggestive things.

If you are unsatisfied in your relationship, and find someone who could potentially fill that void, then end your first relationship to pursue the second. If you are a New York state representative, with a wife who works for the Secretary of State and is the favorite of Democrats EVERYWHERE, if you want to run for Mayor of one of the most influential cities in the ENTIRE WORLD, or if your wife is pregnant, then you should NOT be texting strange women pictures of your weiner.

It doesn’t take a genius to figure that one out.

Checkmate, Game Over

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About a month ago, on a Saturday night I went to my favorite bar with two friends of mine. The place was packed (surprise surprise), dancing space = limited, places to sit and chat….yea right. So we ended up heading to the upper level where the music was still loud, the drinks were still flowing and where we managed to find a little spot to call our own. We settled ourselves on an indoor balcony that over looked the sea of people below. We, ladies and gents, had ourselves an aerial view of what we would soon witness to be the understanding of ‘The Game’.

Exhibit A: There are two buddies at the bar with drinks in hand watching the people around them. You can tell they’re seeing which pretty ladies they can talk too. Now scanning several feet away from the bar and close to the stage where the live band is playing, we spot two pretty girls enjoying their night. They’re sipping their drinks, singing along to the music and they’ve been spotted. The two guys from the bar are approaching. The guys attempt introductions and small talk but the girls don’t seem too interested. They make their glances at the guys brief and end up paying more attention to the music. After a few more attempts, the guys move on. We keep our eyes on the two groups and later on in the night, the guys come back. One of the guys ends up buying one of the girls a drink but she still ignores him afterwards. The other guy and girl seem to have more of a connection. These two talk for a bit while the other girl leaves the other guy in the cold. At the end, the guys end up leaving and the girls turn to each other with puzzling looks of, ‘What was that? They’re just going to leave??’.

Well, if you wanted them to stay then why weren’t you more interested?!

Here’s what I don’t quite understand, us women, we know what we want these days and we know how to get it but when it comes to men or relationships, why do we play coy about what we want or play games? Well guess what ladies, checkmate. King’s dead and the Queen is standing alone.  Oh boo hoo, game over. Time to cut the crap, ladies! No more ‘playing hard to get’. I mean, whoever came up with that term must have been seriously bored. The whole ‘Game’ aspect of relationships, it’s exhausting! Have you ever played Monopoly in its entirety? It’s tiring as hell and it’s just a board game!