Cleanliness is next to Godliness (at least in my book).

This can definitely be classified as a “first world problem” or, my personal favorite, “white people problems,” but  I need to vent.

I wish...

My boyfriend is GROSS. Sometimes mind-blowingly so. I’ve never considered myself to be a clean/neat freak, but I do have standards and his apartment was far, far below them when I moved in. Seriously, how do you not notice that the sink is overflowing with dishes??? After leaving a cereal bowl on the living floor for TWO WEEKS, don’t you think it’s time to pick it up??? If I find one more empty pack of cigarettes in my CLEAN laundry basket, I’m going to LOSE IT (especially since I just spent 10 bucks and 2 hours at the laundromat! GRR.).

It all started on my first official move-in day. I drove 3 hours in my fully packed car with no breaks and, needless to say, when I arrived I needed to pee somethin’ fierce. I run into the bathroom, only to run right back out again in horror. Imagine what a toilet would look like in a crack den after a group of crackheads got high, had an orgy and died on top of it. That would be the best way to describe the condition this toilet was in. EW EW EW. I flipped on my boyfriend for not even having the common sense to clean the damn thing BEFORE I arrived (You do know I have to SIT DOWN when I pee, right!? Hot damn.) and forced him to take me to the nearest BK immediately before I peed my pants (and yes, this sadly was the cleaner option).

Fast forward a few months later and things are improving, but VERY slowly. I’m trying to be patient, but I start to get THAT tone with him, the “I’m a bitchy girlfriend” tone that I hate more than anything to use, but it’s hard to teach an old dog new tricks. I’ll admit, he will grudgingly do something after I ask him til I’m blue in the face and Saturdays have become our cleaning days when our apartment really needs it, but it’s not always enough. I think to myself “HOW can you not notice the filth?” and “HOW does it not bother you?” I’m almost jealous.

I’m not trying to make my boyfriend out to be a lazy bum, he has some pretty physical days at work and comes home feeling pretty beat, but I work a 40 hour week and I STILL come home and accomplish a bit of housework most days. I think(hope) he’s noticing and realizing that picking up after yourself should be part of the daily routine.

We recently found our new place that we’re moving into soon. It’s a nice size and in a great location, but the one downside? No dishwasher. And my boyfriend’s response? “.. but you’re the dishwasher, hunnie.” He was joking, of course, but STILL, it’s very close to reality. I know that with more time (and training), we’ll spend an equal amount of time doing housework, but I feel this is going to feel like this is going to mean a lot more use of “the tone”.

I consider myself an eternal optimist. But this optimist likes a clean living space and a freshly showered boyfriend, godammit! There’s always hope, right? Or will the woman always be destined to clean up after the dirty, stinky man?

Come Again?

Over the past year, my friends and I have met some of the most interesting people. Some have the best stories to tell while others made us go, ‘I’m sorry, excuse me?’

Here are some of my favorites that I just had to share.

– About a month or two ago, my friends and I went out after a busy week to catch up with one another. We got caught up and then some. The place we went to had an outside area with a fire pit, which was great on this cool night. We started talking with this one guy outside that had come to the bar alone. He was newly back-on-the-market after an 8 year relationship. He told us that it had ended badly and all he wanted from the break up was the dog that they shared but unfortunately, it went to his ex. We learned a lot about this man who was a history buff and a budding businessmen. He was quite the talker and we were interested in hearing what he had to say. He was quite funny but not in the cracking jokes kind of way but he seemed to be a bit socially awkward. He might have lost his dog from the break up but he gained some awkward behavior. He was pretty open about his life and we enjoyed asking him questions. But perhaps he was a little too open.  The conversation turned to his personal life and we ladies aren’t ones to pry and ask evasive questions. We were really just curious at how he’s been handling the single life after 8 years with his now ex-ladyfriend. Apparently it was taking a toll. My one friend wanted to ask him how long it’s been since he went on a date since his break up. ‘How long has it been since you,’ she started saying when he quickly answered, cutting her off, ‘Since I’ve had sex? 8 months.’ Whaaaaa, that was not what we were getting too! And he was so nonchalant and quick to say that! After we looked at each other and let out a laugh telling him that is not what we were going to say, he goes, ‘So there’s been a lot of cold showers.’

– My friends and I wanted to try going out on a Thursday to see how busy this particular bar was on this particular night. Turns out, Thursday’s had a good crowd. Friendly people, great atmosphere and once again, another man that wasn’t afraid to speak the truth. Shortly after arriving at the bar we met two hard working fellas. One was a producer while the other was a retired Houston Rockets basketball player. They were working on a story about the retired Houston Rockets player that they were trying to pitch to HBO. They brought a small entourage with them as well; two older gentlemen that talked together all night and a younger one that sat at the bar while watching Duke and Villanova battle it out during the NCAA tournament. All three were lawyers. Throughout the night, we only talked to the producer and the retired basketball player. They were interesting guys as well and had some great stories to tell but it ended up being the younger lawyer that left us with the most memorable impression of the night. It was nearing last call and so we began our ‘It was nice meeting you’ and ‘Have a great night’ sentiments. While waiting for our one friend to finish her goodbyes, my other friend and I were still sitting at the bar when the younger lawyer decides to chat. Asking us simple things about us like, ‘Where are you guys from?’  ‘Where from (so and so),’ I say. And then came the great line that shows exactly what a man wants, ‘What are you guys doing after this?’ ‘I’m going to be sleeping in my bed,’ I said. ‘You don’t want to come over?’, he asked. ‘Where do you live?’, I inquired. ‘Up the street. Right behind Shoprite.’

Wow, nothing like a man living behind a grocery store to turn a girl on.

Let’s be not very ladylike!

Let’s face it- us women have a rough life. It’s not all sunshine and rainbows, high heels and Coach purses. It’s not like we wake up with perfectly styled hair and nails, dramatic eyelashes and perfect posture. I know that I’m tired of shouldering the ‘ladylike’ stereotype us gals struggle with everyday, so I’m saying to hell with it. Let’s be unladylike! It’s about time. After all, who says we have to be?  Let’s be who we are, say what we want to say and be free! After all, ‘ladies is pimps too!’